I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
