Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
