fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
