That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
