Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
