...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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