last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
