you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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