We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
