I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
