Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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