I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
