she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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