Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
