oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
