The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
