Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
