why didn't you poke me back
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
