Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
