so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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