What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
