My cat gives me a boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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