you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you win again, gameday.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
