After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she peed on how many people?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
