at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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