I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
