Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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