It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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