Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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