In the future we'll all be gay
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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