It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
