I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
