There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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