I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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