Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
