I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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