Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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