My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
