The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
