I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
