i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
