Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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