Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
