We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
