yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
