i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
