She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
