he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
