Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
