she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
