Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bit a glass in half.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
