Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
