The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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