If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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