just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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