hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
