He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
