Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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